I Have an enjoyable time with Jonan today. =)

I don't really know him tt much, but for now i like everything about him.

We went to starbucks and have a really nice chatting session with each other. o and he invited me to his graduation ceremony in september over at Tekong. You guys really should see the way he asked me, its so sweet and funny at the same time!! the way he talked about how boring the ceremony over at tekong will be yet he sounded like he hope i will go.... so should i go?

When i'm with him, it really makes me understand the fun part of dating. He doesnt bored me at all!! im actually interested to all the stuffs that he told me. I'm a little nervous when im with him but i guess its the first date so its suppose to be like this?

 i cant wait for the next coming weekend to come!! i really like being with him, when im with him, i realised how shitty my ex used to treat me. Jonan is not even my bf, yet his far more caring and thoughtful than my ex. this might actually turn out to be good eh?

Had dinner with sister clan at bukit timah at ard 5plus. Im really happy to see them. but i think ying wasnt happy to see me though. shes still angry for what i did.  I felt awkward and kind of upset today when im with them. i tried to engage ying in a conversation a few times today but i dont think shes really willing to talk to me by hearing the tone she used. 

I know its my fault but i still cant help feeling hurt when im given the cold shoulder. i tried to tell myself that i have no right to feel upset and hurted when im in the wrong, i tried to ask myself how they felt. And it makes me feel worst.

 i know i have no right to feel upset but i really cant stand being given the cold shoulder, i know im not trying hard enough for her to forgive me but my pride holds me back after my  failed attempts to get Ying to talk to me,  i was actually trying really hard to hold back my tears today.  its my fault after all, I'm sorry, but pls dun ask me out for the time being anymore, i think i will just spoil the day for everyone. I'm a coward, a escapist, I rather run away from all my problems then to solve it.

To say the truth, im ashamed to give you guys the real reason why i make that decision. If you really wants to know it, you will probably break all ties with me unless you understand me really that well. There are alot of things that goes in my mind everyday.  After doing the quiz at facebook, the one that i say is the most accurate horoscope quiz ever.. i begin to understand myself alot more, it totally fits me. i guess im really afraid of alot of things, im afraid of trusting someone, i look like im easy going but my heart and mind doesnt always agrees with what i put up on the outside,  im actually super picky in everything in live, im super scare of losing my freedom, and my definition of freedom is something which i feels no one can understand and when i feel that my personal space or freedom is being taken away little by little,  i run away and give myself sometime to think things through.  Im having a hard time re-organising my thoughts and stuffs.  Im feeling very uncomfortable, uneasy and etc. maybe its because you guys matters too much to me.... im having a hard time choosing what matters more in my life...

i bet no one understands what i just typed out. its okay. it wasnt really meant for anyone to understand anyway. it was more for myself.

Yung

went to school at 9 ( actually school starts at 8 but i declared it to be a 9am class. HAHA!)  today thinking that im gonna have my Gems (Quality Management) Paper today, and guess what?

i made a fucking stupid mistake. The Gems Test was SUPPOSE TO BE HELD LAST THURSDAY!!!

I wonder how blur i can get. And to make myself feels worst, that bloody test has a 20% weightage!!!

i feels like an moron now.

I already have 2 stupid papers last thursday! Adding one more stupid Gems paper, that would sums up to 3 PAPERS!!! and in that entire week alone, 6 FREAKING TESTS!!!

i still have tons of projects waiting to be submitted and PRESENTED! ARGH!!

oh, i realised i used alot of the F word ..  we usually say, wat the fuck/ fuck you/ fuckers/ fuck off/ fucking boring/ fucking irritating/ fucking pissed off...etc.

but i have never heard someone else using Fucking Fuck.. recently i seen someone writing a note on facebook about this, they think its cool, but personally, i think that sounds really lame and really uncouth. ( finally, my first time using the uncouth word!! *Ming, see that!!* (btw, its not a friend of mine who wrote that.. )

 whenever i see them, i wonder if i should laugh or puke first, because I cant possibly laugh and puke at the same time....  you people are like a joke. omg. im not critcizing all single and matured women, im just criticizing those who are not doing something to upgrade themselves. you are a single 35, hello!, you should be a wise, independent, a fucking hot social butterfly.. why are you like an aunty when you are not even MARRIED or even with kids?!!!!!! You ladies have obviously not grown wiser, hotter, or even richer, why are you not doing something to improve yourself? you are such a disgrace!! 

i just seriously hate people who dont work hard and allow themselves to look like the horrible state they are in andstill thinks they are good, (for their case, they still thinks they are some hot chick)..

during TMA lecture, our lecturer embarrassed me TWICE infront of the whole lecture theatre. First time round he said, " Mdm Yap, i thought you are having a snack, instead you are having a Meal!"

... aiyah, people hungry mah, somemore im just having a snack and a drink, its not even a meal!!

Then to make things even more embarrassing for me, he said this at the end of the class," Yap Yong Joong, you haven't sign your paper.."

and when he said that, he was looking in my direction. So i went  for a second and after that i thought he must have made a mistake and prayed that theres actually a yap yong joong in our lecture theatre. But Nina burst out laughing saying," are you talking to her?" *pointing to me*

"yah, of course, you are yap yong joong aren't you?"

At this point of time, ALOT of people were laughing at me already and i was busy laughing and cursing at the same time .. maggie then tell the lecturer that my name is Yap Siew Yung not Yap Yong Joong.

waolao eh, before this Kenneth from another class was already laughing at me calling me by my real chinese name already, and now this.. So bloody embarrassing!!!!

damn it, my name is YAP SIEW YUNG. GET IT RIGHT. and im not embarrass of my name. I just thinks that most people will pronounce it wrongly. And see I'm RIGHT! theres always some idiot who will pronounce it in a way that will embarrass me.

argh!  watever man!

k. i've gotta go.

c u guys later,

Yung

p.s. im being a meanie again right? im not in the best mood today.. so just let me be..

Smsed Jonan today. lol, he was freaking cute lah!! he wants to ask me out for a date but his shy to show me his new hairstyle. how cute!!! okok, i know guys hate being call cute. HAHA!!

I wonder how he looks like with his hair being cut so short!!!! LOL!!

 i like to talk to him. His like forever so nice and sweet to me.

I still remember what he told me in our first conversation..

It was about a year back and i was feeling like shit that day. i went to the drinks stall and bought a peel fresh orange juice, as i was queuing up to pay, He walked up to me and talk to me.

'Hey'

'Hey'

'Are things alright? '

'omg! is my eyes still red? damn..'

'nono, its just that you looks like you are being forced to smile.'

'huh? how do you know tt?'

'I noticed. your smile looks different today compared to the other times you smiled at me. Dont you know its very rude to smile at a stranger...'

'...' (i gave a question mark face)

'Remember the first time you smiled at me a few months back.. and..' (i forgot what he said, but the point is we have been smiling at each other ever since then)

'O, i thought you know me, cause Jeremy introduced us like a year ago? LOL!'

'really? I cant remember.. hmm, but you really shouldnt smile at guys the way you are smiling..'

'Hey, i don't anyhow smile at everyone ok!! '

' Are you sure?.. don't give excuses!' (i remember very very clearly that he give me the *I dont believe you* kind of face)

' Ya lah!! And smiling at someone is not rude ok!'

' haha, do you know i've been calling you 'my girl' infront of my friends ever since then. No matter how bad my da was, you always managed to cheer me up with that smile of yours'

' Serious?!!' (i was so so pleasantly surprised by what he said, it might be exaggerated but its still nice to hear a charming guy telling that to you right?..)

'Yeah, so cheer up!!'

'yeah, thanks, but dun worry im fine.'

after tt, we got each other email and became friends thru tt short and sweet conversation..

amazing right?

 he was the one that explain to me why i should break up and leave that jerk and that his perfectly willing and happy to accompany me if i feel lonely after my break up.

sweet isnt he? theres really no reason for me not to go out with someone as sweet as him right? HEE!

But, somehow recently im actually interested in someone from school!! damn! i couldnt believe myself when i started looking at him like im interested in him. I don't like it when he talk to so many girls.. orh oh...  maybe i shouldnt even get interested in him since he has so many girl friends in school and im the type tt will get jealous easily.. lol! lets not go into details..

so i've got 2 crushes right now...., tts so secondary school~

lol, well, in anyway its better than loving that bastard right? =) im sure jae joong oppa would agree. haha!

i cant wait for this coming sunday trip to bukit timah, i would probably get slaughter by Ying before I step in to bukit timah market. LOL!

ok. i gotta ... do other stuffs.

nites.

Yung

p.s I love TVXQ and SNSD!!